It’s a fact of life that some relationships go through the occasional rough patch. In most cases, these are can easily be worked out through rational discussion, the issues usually get resolved just fine. However, there are some situations that are not acceptable.
This is often referred to as an unhealthy relationship. Here are some signs to look for to see if your relationship is headed in that direction.
- Your mate attempts to force you to be dependent on them for basic everyday needs.
- They are physically, mentally or emotionally abusive or manipulative. – this one is obvious!
- They control your life and check up on you to make sure you’re doing what they think you should.
- They verbally put you down in front of other people.
- You have made major changes you normally wouldn’t have to keep them pleased.
- Their is no evidence that they actually love you, though they may say otherwise.
In short, toxic people and relationships are not good to be around, they’re poison in the figurative sense. They are a complete waste of your time and energy. So, how does anybody get into such a relationship, and why do they stay? On the surface, the easy answer is that nobody would or should, but the reality is that they do.
The reason for this is that toxic relationships run in cycles. There are three basic stages: the honeymoon, where everything seems good and there is lots of hope for a happier future; the problem stage, this is where the actual problems occur; reconciliation, where the offending party makes up for what they did wrong. This then leads right back to the honeymoon stage and it starts all over again.
Once you know about this cycle, it’s easier to understand how people get trapped in bad relationships. There is really only one stage where things seem bad. After that, they see their toxic mate is trying to do better and is sorry for what they did. Everybody deserves a second chance, right? Then the honeymoon phase is going great, they’re happy again, and willing to forgive and forget. But, then the problems start again.
So, why don’t people get out of toxic relationships at this point? Well, if you think about it, you can see that they already have proof that their partner can change. This proof comes in the form of the prior get back together stage. From an objective observer that can be hard to believe, but that’s how the person in the relationship sees it. And, there’s also another honeymoon stage right around the corner which only lasts a limited amount of time.
What’s the key to getting out? Think of it as an addiction. The drug is the problem stage, and the honeymoon stage is the high that is felt. And you can’t get the high without the drug. Therefore, if you are in a toxic relationship, you must break out of it at the problem stage. Now that you know the signs you can be ready to take action. Don’t kid yourself. Get help. Do whatever you need to do to get the respect you truly deserve. It will be difficult, but you will have a happier life when you do.